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Q: What is the difference between your wife and your job? A: After five years your job still sucks. Q: What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself?

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Just some very funny summations from some very funny people, all told in one line. Many of these funny one liners are from legendary comedians and others are from random or unknown people. My dealer sure has some explaining to do.

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The only reason the term 'Ladies first' was invented was for the guy to check out the woman's ass. My girlfriend came out of the shower and said "I shaved my pussy, you know what that means? I said "yeah, the drain is clogged again.

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Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls? A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice Q: What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute? A: Your job still sucks! Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?

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TNW uses cookies to personalize content and ads to make our site easier for you to use. One one-liner a day keeps the doctor away…so, here is a shortlist of the best one-liners you can find on the internet today. Have fun!

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Email address:. That is wrong on so many different levels. Its called the Daily Mail.

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What's worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? Finding out it was traced. A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you.

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Did you know that laughing can have positive physical and mental effects on the body? Laughter can lower blood pressure, lighten tense situations, and help you bond with friends and family. Jokes, humor, and comedy come in many forms. Whether it is a few funny jokes, a silly joke book, or a funny movie, we can all benefit.

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Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. How do you get a sweet year-old lady to say the F word?

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Dirty adult jokes. A: Just trying to fit in. A: When you finger her, you get your palm red for free.

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